Before you call it quits with your significant other, relationship columnist Amber Kallor who writes for Oprah.com has a few questions you should ask yourself before making the big break. Sometimes the best help comes from an unbiased party outside of the relationship. These ideas might help.

Is your unhappiness truly being caused by your partner or are you jumping to conclusions?

There’s one thing human beings are professionals at and that’s deflecting or blaming problems on others in order to avert addressing the matter yourself. Whether this is done consciously, or more likely subconsciously, it may be time to re-evaluate both your’s and your partners behaviors and how this affects the relationship. PhD Molly Barrow says she usually witnesses women who blame their spouses for their unhappiness. However, constantly blaming the other person for why you’re unable to achieve your personal success or be happy is unlikely to fix matters. She suggests writing down the issues and the qualms you have with your spouse. If its multiple pages, try and pair it down. Stepping away from an argument and emotional period will allow you to think more clearly and express your real though and probably reveal that you are not completely innocent. 

How big is the gap between me and him/her?

It’s probably hard to envision your relationship repairing itself after such a major issue. Things like infidelity, bad communication, and lack of sex seems like breaking points in many relationships but surprisingly the most important thing has nothing to do with the problem but instead you and your partner’s willingness to work it out. If both are game to work hard to hear one another out, respect each other’s feelings, and be flexible, than  all is not lost. These issues can be resolved and the relationship is repairable. 

Is it time for a break?

In our society, the term “break” has a negative connotation in the lexicon of relationships. However, there is nothing wrong with both parties maturely stepping away for an agreed upon period of time and re-evaluating the relationship and themselves. We all know we can’t change the other person. So why not take the opportunity to step away and think about things you may need to change in your own behaviors or attitudes. Also, spend some time with friends, reconnect, and even take up a short term class or activity that allows you to feel independent and gain confidence about your strengths away from your partner. You might find that if you and your partner decide to continue the relationship you’ve come back with a rejuvenated and healthier mind set than before.